i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize