The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
