based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
