There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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