How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
