He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
