i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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