I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
