i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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