we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
