So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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