I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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