I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
please don't ironically join a cult
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