JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
