youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
