I am in a vortex of obligation.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
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