I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize
