What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I can't trust your balls anymore.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
