Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
