I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
