Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
