You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
