At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
