Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
smell my finger.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
