I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
