I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
