Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
