I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Randomize
