My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
