watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
