Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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