We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
