No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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