I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
