i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
