last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
