i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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