You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
she told me i tasted like america
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
