I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
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He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
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Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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