I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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