By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
