i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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