we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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