i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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