You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
My penis needs a shock collar
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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