yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
