I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
