so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
