He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
