Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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