Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Randomize
