there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
