I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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