The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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