Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
