I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
