it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
