The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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