Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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