i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
