i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
