The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
