i think my mom watched the whole time
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
