My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
