On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize