I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
