True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
