I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
