Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
