Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
