If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
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