Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
