he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
