Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
just tell him i said nine months
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
