Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
