Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
