I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
