You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
