Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My ass is underappreciated
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
