You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
