It's like God shit irony all over that family
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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