Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
