I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
How does one acquire holy water?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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