I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
