i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
