I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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